Friday, January 20, 2012

Stripes? Or fashion for the full-figured.

Have you tried on clothes recently? Now, I haven't lost enough weight to really be contemplating a new wardrobe but I thought I might reward myself with something fun and new because, well, I respond well to rewards. I don't love shopping, especially for clothes, but I grabbed a friend who is working on her weight too and off we went. As we wandered through stores, I noticed what I consider a disturbing trend. Fashion designers have brought back the horizontal stripe in all its glory.

The biggest question is, of course, WHY? In the name of all that is holy, why? Stripes last looked good on me when I was all of 14 years old. And maybe not even then since I had curves and boobs by then (seriously, I had the cutest figure ever at 14). Horizontal stripes are not flattering on curvy bodies. They just aren't. Broomstick thin models with the figures of 14 year old boys can pull them off but on the rest of us, not attractive. Quite honestly, horizontal stripes on the slightly chubby sporting post-childbearing bodies make us look like we're wearing a contour map because honey, ain't nothing staying two dimensionally horizontal. It's all elevation and gradient. Trust me; seriously not pretty. And it's just plain mean for designers to declare these "wideners" back in style again. I mean, as if it wasn't traumatic enough to have to try on bathing suits or jeans, we, or at least the fashionable amongst us, now have to wear striped clothing that make us look like candidates for the replacement fat lady at the circus. That'll sure build my self-esteem. Boo hiss.

And yes, for the scientifically minded, I've read the article that sets out the proof that I am misguided in my horizontal stripey upset. But I stand by one of the comments on the post that asserts that in fact the horizontal stripe cartoon has three noticeable vertical stripes that make the whole argument suspect (not to mention that in ostensibly making these little beauties--or at least the horizontal striped beauty--look 3D, the artist has still drawn perfectly straight lines, which is completely contrary to real life and therefore proves nothing). Try it with real women if you want my buy in, otherwise, ditch the horizontal stripes please. Chubby girl doesn't appreciate looking like she's sporting the topography of the Himalayas across her ta-tas, thank-you very much!

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